gretchen says again

Tomorrow

I have no reason to worry about tomorrow except for general fear/PTSD/etc, but if y'all could send some good vibes my way around 8am EST, it might lessen my anxiety about the ultrasound. Will prob post a cryptic twitter update with results.  Honest to god, I swear, half the reason I want this to stick and work out is so that I never have to fear miscarriage again.

Beta doubled

From 140 - 336, doing another today and will have an u/s at 6w, so around 8/14. One more step forward.

Navel gazing

Starting to feel a little more pregnant. I took another HPT this morning (I had them, so why not!) and this one turned BRIGHT PINK right away, which makes me confident that my results tomorrow will be good. So, that's cool.

I tweaked my back yesterday which TOTALLY freaked me out, if you remember my week of being bedridden when I was pregnant with Ingrid, the back spasms, etc, it was that same spot, and not too terrible now, so I'm really hoping it was just a little warning bell to take better care of it, pay better attention, etc. but I was totally, totally freaked for the hour before it started to relax.

And finally, here's the thing -- the history of our family journey was that we tried for a year, got pregnant, I miscarried. But just before that miscarriage, my OB (who is AWESOME) runs a thyroid test on all her patients, and mine came back elevated and she immediately put me on medication. I miscarried anyway, but then on the second cycle of trying -- where both cycles were textbook 28 days, when pre-synthroid they were 35-42 days long -- I got pregnant with Ingrid, which, as you know worked out.  This time, I had the IUD removed in March, had my thyroid checked, made sure it was in the prime range for TTC, and then we tried, and on the 2nd cycle, here I am. Because this time has been so much... quicker, I think we are both kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. But if you take out that time before being treated for hypothyroidism, if I'd always been treated, would I instead be the person annoying people like me (and so many others) at a party saying "GAWD, Dave only had to LOOOOOK at me to get me pregnant!" You know? If I think of it that way, with the divide between pre-synthroid and post-synthroid, I feel much more confident. But, y'know, still nervous. The idea is starting to settle in, and I really hope this works.

First labs

TSH is 1.98
Progesterone is 22
First beta 140

So far, so good. Repeat beta results will be in on Monday. Mostly it's nice to have validation that the dollar tree test wasn't a hallucination.

Thanks all, for the good vibes.

36 weeks to come up with yet another name.

Yep.

And even with a subsequent successful pregnancy, the miscarriage PTSD is still there. I called my OB office ASAP this morning, to get the beta/TSH/Progesterone lab orders faxed over, and the scheduler had me book my first two appointments. Wait, really? But, then again, the odds are always that it's more likely to work out than not, right? But, still. And I keep poring over posts from September, 2005, trying to figure out if I'm more or less pregnant, or was I just noticing symptoms more because I had literally NOTHING ELSE to distract me (hadn't yet started my GA-ship, no 3 year old, etc), and trying to keep in mind that even though this would be really excellent timing, if it doesn't take, I need to trust that there's a reason, and the timing for a good pregnancy will always be good. Right?

So, yeah, had the beta, etc, drawn at 1, followup on Saturday, and hoping the numbers are good. I really, really want this to work.

(I also can't believe I haven't updated in 2 months, I suck, but I'm the Twitter all the time, but my status is not being revealed or discussed there at the mo', as I am public there and a'twitterin' with coworkers are IRL friends, etc. But if you want to keep up with the rest of my boring life, it's there.)

So. Yeah. Hey.

Back to the fridgerator.

I fully recognize that the majority of the population just buys shit based on looks & price alone, and doesn't invest the brainspace to such things as comparison shopping the hell out of major appliances. Alas, I am not one of them.

I'm STILL in the hunt for a fridge, Dave pulled out the cabinet blocking the way to new fridge glory back on VALENTINE'S DAY, and I still don't have a new fridge. The one that I'd been circling like a shark at our scratch and dent sold, literally, the Monday after V-day, and so the first loop I got in was "that was such a great deal, nothing else compares!" Yeah.

Now, I'm looking again as our local appliance store (I would really rather buy from them than the big box, for many reasons) is having a "warehouse sale" in two weeks, and because I have a very specific arrangement that I want -- 30" wide, white, bottom freezer -- there are only a handful of models that even meet that requirement.

So while Dave was camping this weekend, I was back on the prowl yet again. I've basically narrowed it down to one of 2 GE models, and one LG model.

There are three from GE that would fit, and work, the two lower priced have a freezer door instead of a drawer, and smaller, adjustable bins on the fridge door and the difference is about $400. (The only difference I can find between the two in the $800 range is an icemaker, which I don't care about.) There is one from LG, a french door model, that has all the groovy configurable stuff, but the freezer drawer is plastic instead of wire and just feels a little less.. durable. Or something. But I don't know if that's because the doors are half size, either, you know?

But, good god, researching those? Apparently, LG sucks and GE is where you should go. Unless you have a GE fridge, then you should really check out LG. And not to mention, BOTH companies have sucky info on their webpages -- terrible photos, if they even HAVE any interior shots, and no explanation of their features, or images to show what the hell they are talking about. Great. One has a "Sweet spot" shelf. WTF does that mean? They don't say. And GE's comparison tool just looks at the text, so one of the differences it highlighted was because one said "adjustable, split" and the other said "adjustable split." OMMFG.

So, both of you still reading, tell me about your fridge. Did your GE catch fire? Does your LG make birds sing? And if you have a bottom freezer, door or drawer? I'm putting photos in, just because I can. I feel like the LG (bottom, but it would be in white and not stainless) seems like the most configurable of the three, but worry that a company that makes a great cell phone might fuck up the fridge. And searching, god, people will ALWAYS bitch about what goes wrong, but not say much about what goes RIGHT, right? Which is also part of why I want to use the locals, if something goes wrong, I don't have to go through a Home Depot offshore call center phone tree. Right? (Local co. sells both brands.) Prices (from Home Depot's site, local is always similar) are 800, 1200, and 1200.

So really, and even if it's not these brands, what drives you nuts about your fridge? Is there a feature you can't imagine ever doing without again? Is a drawer and configurable bins really worth 400 bucks?

Life is Good

This past weekend was one that I'd daydreamed about for probably my whole life. I know I daydreamed about it specifically when we bought the house, but it was just so, so great.

The weather was awesome. Sunshine, mild, no bugs, and everyone crawling out from our winter hidey-holes to celebrate in the return of NICE WEATHER. On Saturday morning, we were actually inside -- we met up with friends of friends (more in a minute) for a playdate at the museum, where Ing took a while to warm up (as she always does) but in the end, was playing happily with her new friend Lily. After lunch and a nap, we walked -- walked! even Ingrid! -- to the park, one of several within a half mile of our house. We walked to my favorite park (and now that she has an opinion, Ingrid's too), which is bordered on all four sides by these great old houses, and it's the one place I'd move if I could. Anyway, park park park, and walking there and back and practicing/teaching Ingrid street rules (hold hands if there's no sidewalk, stop and look for cars, book it across the road) and the whole way there, having a running conversation of what's that, what's this, can you jump like me, mama? Can I touch that? (telephone pole: yes) Why? We going to the park mama? I have sunglasses just like you, mama! (Oh, right, imagine Ingie in her orange fleece, and orange pants, and red maryjanes, with her giraffe sunglasses on and a bow barrette in her hair) and now! Now she can climb the ladders and doesn't need to be caught, but she still likes to swing on the baby swings and go FAST! HIGH! but also likes to try to learn how to pump on the big kid swing.

And on Sunday, Dave bought me a $10 bike at the bike swap, a rusty old 1974 Schwinn, and we spent the afternoon while Ingrid napped (and then after she woke) cleaning it up, and being amazed at how it started to sparkle after some orange clean and elbow grease and steel wool. We spent 1.5 hours at the park in the morning, and Dave rode his bike over to meet us when he got home, and we spent more time in the park in the afternoon, and in between we raked and Ing rode her trike (she can pedal! FAST!) and Ingrid dragged babies and stuffed animals all over the yard and had adventures, and it was just. freaking. great.

Life is good.

(so, the new friend playdate thing: My parents have neighbors that retired to my small hometown after having had a camp there forever, and they live next door. Last summer, we were all at the neighbor's camp, and the woman mentioned that her daughter and fam were considering moving to my city and would I be able to answer questions, etc, and I said sure, and then I never heard anything till February or so, and they are moving from DC to my city, and were in town this weekend to find a rental house, as they want to rent before deciding where to live. Anyway, I have a guest option on our museum membership, so I offered to let them use it to see the museum, and we all met, and their daughter is just 6 months older than Ingrid, and they had a blast. They are moving here knowing no one but her parents who live 2 hours away, so it was nice to show them some kid friendly stuff.)

Oh, and also, I'm feeling pretty confident that my thyroid is in check following the disarming. I seem to be on track for a 28 day cycle, and had some weird cramping today that took me a minute to remember, oh, wait, OVULATION! Not trying til June (btw, there's an ipod touch app called OB wheel that is free, and lets you totally play with dates to plan such things -- love it) but happy to know that things are in check.

For Posterity

My sister in law watched Ingrid today, so that Dave and I could go see a screening of his friends' (award-winning, crazy-great) documentary. While we were gone, SIL, BIL and my niece took Ing out to lunch, and had a great time, but she didn't really want to go to sleep at naptime. Julie checked on her at one point, and she was talking to her baby doll, and as Julie walked away, she heard this:

"Do you know who they are? Yeah? That Julie and Kristi and Woody. Do you like them? No, I don't like Julie and Kristi, only Woody. You have to take a nap and close your eyes, and when you wake up you can go see Woody, okay? OKAY!"

DYING. See, Woody is the guy that ALLLLLL the kids love, he's quiet with adults, but he loves the kids. He gets Happy Meals at McDonald's and saves the prizes for when they visit, he always lets them play his drums. He is just goofy and fun A lot like Dave, in fact, when I met Dave I asked who his favorite relative was, he said "my brother in law." Dave doesn't remember him NOT being around, and has been kind of a father figure to him, and he's just such a good person. Anyway, it was hysterically cute to hear.

Totally UNrelated, while I was in Florida, I went to a Prescriptives counter at Macy's, and did the thing where you sit in the chair and they do you up. The clerk was AWESOME, totally got that I am NOT A MAKEUP PERSON, and with Amy there to help me, too, it just worked. I ended up buying some foundation, bronzer and mascara (and tried to buy concealer, but they were out!) which used up a store credit I've had since Christmas, and then some, and then we went to Target and I got a cheapie concealer and makeup brush, and some lipstick. All week long, I've been wearing the concealer/foundation/bronzer/mascara (oh, and the foundation and bronzer are from the mineral line) and on Friday, one of my coworkers mentioned that I had some 'glow' going on all week and I confessed to having worn makeup all week and they were like OMG! GRETCHEN WORE MAKEUP! Yes! I did! And apparently this combo works VERY WELL because I look glowy but not so done that people thought I was wearing makeup. SCORE. Of course, it costs a fortune, but um, oh well. Right? Right.

Also, have I mentioned that Ingrid is potty trained? By the end of the first week of new daycare, she was going occasionally, and by the end of the second week, she was in undies all the time (save for nap/night) and she's only had a few accidents, most related to not wanting to leave the playground to go in and pee, which I can kind of understand. It's been a long winter. SO WEIRD.

That was fast.

Seriously, have I mentioned that the new daycare seems to be going really well? She's been there two weeks. TWO WEEKS, and spent the entire weekend (when awake) in underpants. Two weeks ago, she freaked when presented with a potty, and now she wakes up, takes off her jammies and diaper, gets a stool, hops up in the big toilet (with a family seat installed) and pees. You know, like, no big thing. WILD.

I go to Florida on Wednesday. I am SO excited to see Amy and family, and while weather is secondary, it's pretty cool that it looks like it will be sunny and in the 80s. NICE.

That is all.

Oh, and I love my iPod Touch and am not sure how I lived without it for this long.

What I did

I ordered free samples from Everyday Minerals and plan on trying them out this weekend.

I ended up with two iPods, basically. I ended up sending my cousin a check for the discounted one, and buying one from Amazon. But, my good friend and coworker was totally jazzed after playing with mine, so I'll sell her the second one when it arrives, and we're going to basically split the cost so that we both get a deal.

I have had a period for more than a week now, which is SO LAME. I've been saying it reminds me of waiting for my first period to arrive, I couldn't wait for it to come , but when it did, I immediately thought "I was excited for THIS to happen?" That said, as soon as we're done with building our family, I am sooooo getting a Mirena again, even if Dave gets a vas or something. Mirena forever.